Brick Goes Scuba Diving
by Stoned Loki Incarnate
Summary: Your favorite mentally-retarded weather reporter, Brick Tamland, goes on the journey of his lifetime when he is invited to go scuba diving with his anchor friends, Ron and Veronica, when he comes across a familiar pair of sea creatures...


**There are two hidden references in this crossover. Can you point them out?**

* * *

"Stay classy, San Diego."

The cameras cut on another successful show of KVWN Channel 4 news. Ron Burgundy, the head anchor, immediately looked to the side and locked eyes with Veronica Corningstone, his co-anchor, and violently embraced her to the floor while exchanging tongue. All the people behind the cameras watched silently as the director whispered through the Bluetooth in Ron's ear:

"Um, Ron… the cameras are still rolling."

Ron shot up in his white briefs as if nothing had happened, "We are still rolling, people, no time to mess around!" The cameraman facepalmed and actually yelled cut this time, cancelling the air feed of Ron in his undergarments. The director did the same as he beckoned Ron to put his pants back on.

"Not to worry!" Ron shouted, "These briefs just came out of the wash. I assure you, there are no worrisome stains on them."

"God damn it, Ron, that's not the poin-"

"Nevertheless!" Ron interrupted, "I shall put my pants back on!" He did so with Veronica's help. They locked eyes again, about to lurch onto each other again before Brick Tamland marched next to Ron with his pants off.

"Ron, I am conflicted," he said, "for I had a party in my pants that you and Veronica were invited to, but now I don't have pants on."

Ron put a hand on Brick's shoulder, "Brick, you can still have a party in your pants, for you are still wearing pants. They are UNDERpants."

Brick's gloomy expression brightened, "I can still have a party in my pants…?!" He started jumping with joy, "You're all invited!"

"I'll sleep on it this time, Brick," Veronica respectfully responded, "…but if you want, you're invited to go scuba diving with us this afternoon."

Brick's eyes widened, "You mean… I get to see fish?!" He started jumping with joy once again, "Oh boy, I'm going into the water, but I don't want my work clothes getting dirty…" he grabbed the elastic around his briefs, about to pull them down before the entire studio yelled at him not to do so. He obeyed, grabbing his pants that were lying on the floor.

* * *

Along the shores of the city, a scuba diving boat had its engine running, waiting for the three guests to board. Ron, Veronica, and Brick were all wearing wetsuits and each had a water mask lassoed around their chin and lying on their heads. The flippers and air tanks were all sitting inside the boat prepared to be used.

"Guys, I don't know about this…" Brick whined, "I think I'm allergic to blue."

"The water is not blue. It is clear. The sky only makes it LOOK blue." Ron calmly explained.

Brick was still whining, "I think I'm allergic to clear, too."

"You drink water all the time," Ron shot back, "I swear, you urinate like a camel."

"I wanna be a camel…" Brick whined one last time before boarding the boat with the other two. With everyone in the boat, the tour guide revved up the engine and the boat coasted out of the mouth of the San Diego bay into the Pacific coast. It wasn't far before they stopped, but it was deep enough to not see the bottom. Brick looked into the horizon, blinking at the sight of a small island with a palm tree in it.

"Alright, Brick, you wanna go firs-"

"YES!" Luckily, Brick's gear was all on before he immediately jumped in the water. He could hear the murmurs of his two companions above the surface, but he couldn't make it out. He sank like a ro- *ahem* a BRICK, slowly making out the bottom to be nothing but sand.

"It's so cold… am I having a heat stroke?"

As he got lower, he began to see a black line stretch across the bottom, eventually coming across three objects: a rock, a head, and a pineapple.

"I love pineapples!" Brick gleefully shouted as he frantically started swimming towards it. As he got closer, he could see a creature coming out from the door attached to it. It appeared to be yellow and square, and it was running down the road in the same direction, stopping at the rock. By then, Brick was close enough to see things happening clearly.

The rock opened up, and stuck to the bottom was a chubby pink starfish wearing green pants with purple flowers on them.

"Good morning, Spongebob!" Patrick said, peeling off the bottom of the rock and falling onto all his furniture, crushing it all. He instantly jumped out without a scratch or a worry, belly-bumping Spongebob.

"Hey Patrick, you wanna see something cool?"

"Oh boy, do I!"

Spongebob pulled out a can of bubble juice from his ass. He opened it, swishing the bubble wand around inside it and pulling it out. He took a deep breath, gently blowing out an elephant-shaped bubble the size of Squidward's house. Patrick laughed uncontrollably, and Brick followed at the sight.

"Hahaha! It's a bubble tractor!" Brick yelled, catching the attention of the two sea creatures.

Patrick frowned, "No, you're wrong, Mr. Googly-eyes, it's a giraffe!"

"No, I'm pretty sure it's a tractor, Mr. Tubby!"

"No! It's a gira-!" Patrick caught the name that the mysterious man called him. Tears swelled in his eyes, "…Tubby…?" His tears turned to steam as he went into a state of rage, "NOBODY CALLS ME TUBBY!"

Patrick charged the man, but Spongebob held him back, "Wait Patrick! We shouldn't be violent with this strange creature. It may be new here in the sea." Spongebob walked up to Brick and held out is hand, "Good evening, kind sir. My name is Spongebob Squarepants. Welcome to Bikini Bottom!"

Brick looked at the extended hand, then the face of the one extending it. He laughed frantically, "I saw someone use you to wipe my car!" He could not control himself as Spongebob raised a brow.

"Um… okay then. Let me introduce you to the people here." Spongebob kept a smile on his face as he gestured to Patrick, "This here is Patrick Star. He's my best friend." Steam was still coming out of Patrick's head.

Brick giggled at the sight, "Why is there steam coming out of Rick's head?"

Patrick's eyes turned bloodshot and his teeth gritted, "MY NAME. IS NOT. RICK!" Patrick charged at Brick again, this time overcoming Spongebob's effort to holding him back. Patrick threw a fist at Brick. Brick dodged, but the fist landed on his air tank. The hole caused air to jet out, causing Brick to be propelled around in multiple directions before going vertical.

On the boat, Ron and Veronica looked down into the water, hoping that Brick was okay. Brick suddenly shot up from the surface, miraculously landing in the boat and getting everyone wet in the process. Brick scrambled to get up, appearing to be in a panic.

"Brick!" Ron put a hand on Brick's shoulder, making eye contact with him, "Are you alright?! How was it?"

Brick's eyes widened and his mouth opened but no words came out. His lips quivered, and he finally managed to get words out.

"…THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIIIIIIIIFE!"


End file.
